if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
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just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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