oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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