I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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