So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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