thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
