I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Randomize
