It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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