you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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