He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
