So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
