Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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