You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
