dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
