you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
