omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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