I need help removing her.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
