We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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