I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
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It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
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The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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