Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
