Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
