Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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