What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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