Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
