Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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