Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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