i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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