i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Randomize
