Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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