So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
