I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
