Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my being single is dangerous.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
