why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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