He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
