we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
