im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
