How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
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As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
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It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize