coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
