so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
