brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Randomize
