I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
