i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
