I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
