John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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