Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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