called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
