piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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