thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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