I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
