i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
