Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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