this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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