last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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