boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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