i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
