yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
