Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
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there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
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If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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