all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
