he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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