I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize