The maid of honor just puked.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
