I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
