I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
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just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
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You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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