Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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