Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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