I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
