This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
