Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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