Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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