South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
