you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
